Before It All Begins

      I guess it's only natural to feel nostalgic and apprehensive as we venture past our high school years into the intimidating and unknown world of college.  When I was younger, I remember thinking college students were the coolest.  They had this whole life to balance without the immediate support of certain family members (MOM!) and, as the idea of independence has always been particularly appealing to me, I founded this great respect for all who led a collegiate life.  They seemed so confident in who they were and remarkably in control of whatever future they had.  Of course, at the age of eight or nine, I imagined that I too would someday mature into a capable young individual with a drive to succeed.  I think I can avouch for that, at least. But I would be lying to you if I said I felt calm, cool, or collected about my imminent college experience. I keep asking myself all of these berserk and ridiculous questions like: What if I fall into a fit of hysterics as my family leaves me for the first time? Will there be attractive members of the opposite sex? And most importantly, how am I supposed to poop with five other girls in the bathroom?! Those were incredibly awful examples, but the point is, I'm kind of a mess. I'm anxious for the future, but clinging to the past. Allow me to expound upon my cluttered state of mind.

    
      Imagine, if you will, my fatigued body, lying motionless on a black leather sofa. My vacant stare suggests that my mind is unperturbed, but as people say, looks can be deceiving. In reality, my mind is a whirlwind of chaos. A few moments pass and Logical Linnea confidently gaits into the bare and undecorated room. Perceiving my troubled condition, she sits herself in a wooden chair located directly across from the sofa. “What disturbs you, young one?” she asks. I look at her with wide eyes. “College is coming,” I whisper. Logical Linnea flicks an irritated glance at me. “Linnemus Bellomus, you are completely overreacting,” she sighs. “There are millions of other first year college students who cope with this transition every single year. It's time you do the same. Oh, and fix your hair. It's absolutely frightening.” And directing a stern glance at my disheveled self, the logical me swiftly turns her back and walks away. I roll my eyes. Logical Linnea was always so condescending. Just then, a muffled grunt captures my attention. Pessimistic Linnea heaves herself out of the dark and musty corner. “It's a lie,” she rasps, lifting her dull gaze to meet my paled face. Pessimistic Linnea has a way of freaking me out. “It's all a lie, you know. You think you'll make friends in college, but you're wrong. An eccentric being like you, you won't last one semester.” She eyes me for an uncomfortably long time before retreating back to her corner. “Don't say I didn't warn you.” were her parting words. An involuntary cry escapes my lips. “I hate college!” I say bitterly and fling myself to the floor in a melodramatic display of pitiful whimpering. I lay there for a few minutes before I feel a tug at my sleeve. “Hey. Dude. Man. You okay?” It was Chill Linnea. My eyes are swollen and red from crying, but I nod my head. “Good,” says Chill Linnea, a look of relief flooding her face. “I don't like feelings so it would've been awkward if you had said no.” A smile creeps on my face. “Dude. Me too! You're awesome. It's almost like we're the same person or something.” “Yeah, totally,” says Chill Linnea. “Hey, I know you're a little apprehensive about the upcoming semester, but let me just say a few things. First of all, you'll do fine. Honestly, just be yourself and try hard. You're there for the academics anyways, right? Everything else will fall into place. You'll see. And if it doesn't, I want you to remember these four words: Honey Badger Don't Care. For real, yo.” And in that moment, everything became crystal clear. “Wow. Thanks, Chill Linnea.” I say gratefully. “Your profound words of wisdom never fail to inspire me.” “Anything to help a sista out! You holler if you need me, man.” Chill Linnea smiles, patting me on the back. I grinned. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. College could be the opportunity of a lifetime! “Oh, I was hoping you'd feel better soon!” Hopeful Linnea emerges from behind the couch. “Go away, Hopeful Linnea.” I snarl. “Nobody likes you. You give me false optimism about life and boys.”

      
     I know what you're thinking. I'm absolutely insane. But if we're being honest here, that was a pretty accurate representation of my inner strife. Except that I really don't have Multiple Personality Disorder. It was just more fun than droning on incessantly about my many feelings and warped emotions. Like I said, I think it's only natural for everyone to feel anxious. We have spent the last four years rooting ourselves deeper into our respective communities and strengthening relationships with intimate friends and family. We are who we are because of them. Now, we must familiarize ourselves with the idea of being plucked from our comfort zones and placed into a completely new environment. The realization that I will be in college in less than three weeks is unnerving to me. I really don't know whether to be extremely excited, absolutely terrified, or a little bit of both. I guess it depends on the day. But, in this time of great excitement, angst, nostalgia, uncertainty, anticipation, apprehension, and hundreds of other indescribable feelings, I leave you with this quote: “There are far, far better things ahead than anything we leave behind.” - C.S. Lewis. (In this case, he may or may not be referring to the afterlife. But it's a C.S. Lewis quote and seemed relevant enough, so there!)

Here's to the future, that it may be filled with joyful memories and unexpected adventures:)